Goleros part ways with "El Niño"

As difficult as this is to write, it’s time for us to go in another direction. After six years and approximately 40 goals, we had to make a tough cut before the roster deadline – Chris is going to have to play with another team on Sundays.

Don’t get me wrong, he was one of our greatest players. After all, he used to drive from Baltimore for games and impress us with his motorcycle. But each season, things got more weird and he steadily made more demands. About two years ago, he started demanding that the team offset his fees so he could pay for kangaroo-leather indoor shoes. When he bought custom socks to match our orange uniforms, he sent the bill to me. Last year, he convinced me that he should only have to run in the offensive half of the field and that he shouldn’t have to pass to anyone he didn’t like, which included me. But this year, it went too far. He wanted the team to pay for weekly pedicures so that his pretty little feet didn’t get messed up in games. I think we have to make a stand here, folks.

Good luck, Chris!